Giddy Up! Here's Gaming's Weirdest Horseplay Moments
Written Thursday, May 03, 2012 By Lee BradleyView author's profile
Horses in Call of Duty: Black Ops II, who would have thought it? At first it seemed like a batshit insane idea, but then we learned that they would only appear in the 80s flashback sections and it all made sense. Because horses were the only form of transport in the 80s, right? Right.
Anyway, it got us thinking: What are the most hilarious, completely crazy instances of horses in videogames? We’re talking the kind of bizarre, infantile, ridiculous nonsense that puts a smile on our face every single time. So we dug through our collective memory banks and found some. Prepare to saddle up for our mane attraction, it's Gaming’s Weirdest Horseplay!
We love an Achievement here at X360A, especially an easy one. So when a game offers up a juicy 100G within its first 30 seconds, we take notice. Darkest of Days, a terrible FPS from developer 8monkey Labs, provides just that opportunity.
Thing is though, it’s not just any old Achievement. It’s for punching a horse in the face. Yup, you read that right, Darkest of Days gives you 100G for hitting a horse. Stick that in your vegetarian handbag, PETA. And Treyarch? I hope you're taking notes.
The Incredible Donkey Lady
Mass Effect may let you bed your shipmates and The Witcher may see you unsheathing your sex sword every five minutes, but no game lets you ride a donkey-faced lady until you get saddle sore. Apart from Red Dead Redemption, that is.
Thanks to a funny little glitch in Rockstar’s Wild West epic, the game occasionally allows you to mount all manner of things that you wouldn’t usually. And while beaver riding may provide more opportunities for pun-based rofls, this Incredible Donkey Lady vid is the one that made us chuckle most.
And before you say it, we know a donkey isn’t a horse, but it’s got four legs and looks a bit like Sarah Jessica Parker so let’s not quibble over details.
My Little Skyrim
PC game modders are a strange bunch. Alongside fixing all the crap that developers manage to balls up, they also take games in... odd directions. This is no more apparent than in last year’s most bizarre Skyrim mod. It’s truly the stuff of nightmares.
Install this bonkers mod and all of the dragons in Skyrim become big, pink, fire breathing fillies. Or more specifically, they turn into Fluttershy from My Little Pony. Now, you’d think that this would make the game all cutesy and lovely, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong. Fluttershy’s listless “Yaaay!” is absofuckinglutely terrifying. Kill it, kill it now and steal its bones.
It’s not the only amusing bit of horseplay in Skyrim though. A game with this many bugs and glitches was always going to throw up a few surprises. It’s just not very stable. So why not check out Dubstep Horse, Amazing Horse and Moonwalking Horse while you’re at it.
This one takes us back to the misty days of the Sega Saturn. Back then Daytona USA was the new hotness, with fancy pants graphics and that brilliant theme tune. But one of the game’s best features was hidden away behind a cheat code. That’s right, it was a horse.
At the title screen, if you pushed diagonally up and left, then held A, B, X, Z then the Start button, you would unlock the Daytona Dobbin, a horse you could gallop around the track with at blistering speeds. Now that’s horsepower.
For our final example of gaming’s weirdest horsey moments, we’re riding off into the land of complete insanity. Red Faction: Armageddon is a game with a ton of crazy, ultra-destructive weapons. There’s loads of ‘em. But none quite match up to the power of Mr Toots.
Found in a hidden area of the game called Wonderland, Mr Toots is a placid looking unicorn who sits happily on your arm, smiling away to himself. Pull his “trigger” (don’t ask), however, and he unleashes a super violent rainbow fart. Mr Toots can literally bring down buildings with his ass. Epic.
Mr Toots is quite possibly the dumbest, most ridiculous easter egg we’ve ever seen. He’s also one of the best.
So there you have it, gaming's most bizarre equine oddiities. But did we miss one? If you've come across a hilarious horse-related occurence in a videogame and have the footage to prove it, tell us in the comments and we'll add it to the feature. Don't send us Skyrim horses jumping off mountains though, this is serious business!