Help im stuck on the toilet and I don’t know what to do!

McKaystyles · 12-10-2009, 09:11 PM

So my office basically left early to beat a blizzard and my dumbasss was like “ I live close, its cool guys, ill lock up!” and so I went to go take a dump just now and realized there is no toilet paper out here and sense the janitor does not get here till6 to clean up and the boss has the keys there is no way I can open up the janitor closet to get some toilet paper… im still dropping bombs so , as a pre emptive move, I need your opinion. Should I use my underwear to wipe and walk home commando in a blizzard, wipe with my hands and wash them real good ( not a fan of that idea) or walk out of the bathroom into the office area and look for paper towels or something with my pants down? Im on my blackberry and I only have a few bombs left before decision time!

Toryas · 12-10-2009, 09:13 PM

Gotta go with the underpants option dude. Tough luck :/

You could always just run outside and wipe your ass in the snow, bit cold but it'd do the job.

luckyluke02 · 12-10-2009, 09:14 PM

unlucky

do what feels right but i would probably check next time befor you start but maybe underware and leave them for cleaner

jamieCR7 · 12-10-2009, 09:14 PM

You knew it was coming, right?

Wii187 · 12-10-2009, 09:15 PM

What, no toilet seat covers where you work?

McKaystyles · 12-10-2009, 09:21 PM

We have toilet seat covers, I don’t know what good that will do me… of you mean like sanitary ones… oh no we don’t. Im trying to call everyone I know to see if they’ll bring me some wipes because it was extra wet just now and its not exactly a quick fix anymore. I need quality AAA toilet paper now. Im thinking I might go into the office and wonder around the cubicles pants down for some toilet paper… wish me luck.

luckyluke02 · 12-10-2009, 09:25 PM

good luck have fun hope it all goes well

Wii187 · 12-10-2009, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by McKaystyles

We have toilet seat covers, I don’t know what good that will do me… of you mean like sanitary ones… oh no we don’t. Im trying to call everyone I know to see if they’ll bring me some wipes because it was extra wet just now and its not exactly a quick fix anymore. I need quality AAA toilet paper now. Im thinking I might go into the office and wonder around the cubicles pants down for some toilet paper… wish me luck.

Suggest to stock sanitary toilet seat covers next meeting (it's a good fallback).

As you step out the door, your coworkers yell "CONGRAGULA..." in celebration of your blank years with the company. The next couple of days become awkward.

Oh and don't forget about the Security Camera.

Br0kenAssass1n · 12-10-2009, 09:35 PM

x360a's seen it all now.

Definitely the underwear option, if you choose the hands, you'll never feel clean again.

Daiphyer. · 12-10-2009, 09:49 PM

I don't get this. Why can't you wash yourself? Is there no water there?

XxBlueSpade2xX · 12-10-2009, 09:53 PM

Use your sock and get the F back home. I'm seriously LOL'ing at this right now.

Massa Siggy · 12-10-2009, 09:54 PM

I feel your pain, but must admit it amuses me that you would come here of all places for advice. haha.

I'd say go commando, you can wash and wash but your hand would NEVER feel clean again.

Shinobi273 · 12-10-2009, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daiphyer.

I don't get this. Why can't you wash yourself? Is there no water there?

I know right! It's like he doesn't wash his ass in the shower.

ferrari360max · 12-10-2009, 09:58 PM

Underwear then walk home commando.

jimi_stephen · 12-10-2009, 10:05 PM

I'd go with the sock also. Never go walking around the office with your pants down, you never know who's still there and what the cameras are looking as

DAck1244 · 12-10-2009, 10:11 PM

Wipe with your boss' paperwork.

Keano · 12-10-2009, 10:36 PM

Simple, wash your ass in the sink

Gorilla Stomper · 12-10-2009, 10:48 PM

YouTube- Sittin On Tha Toilet

Sorry, I saw toilet in the title and had to post that.

WildManWiles01 · 12-11-2009, 12:19 AM

That is too funny, but very unlucky.... Whenever you are in a situation like this, you have to think to yourself... "what would McGyver do...?"

But seriously... Just use the sink and your hand, or use the seat covers to get most of it then wash up? or try to get most of it, then put the pants on and go scouting for someones office (they are bound to have Tissue paper).... I don't think I would use any clothing, unless I planned to throw it away. If anything, I'd just throw on my pants and go looking for tissue paper more then anything. Doubtful you'll get anything on your pants while standing, but I wouldn't go sitdown.

CyanideBreathMint · 12-11-2009, 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shinobi273

I know right! It's like he doesn't wash his ass in the shower.

You take a shit in the shower then wash your pooter with your hands in the shower? Wow.

My ass gets washed in the shower but it's been wiped previously before getting in.

Anywho, what the heck are you typing on? A CrackBerry or iPhone? I'd go with the underpants route myself. Toilet seat covers are simply too thin and you risk digitally raping yourself if you wipe too hard. That doesn't sound like a fun end to my day.

Br0kenAssass1n · 12-11-2009, 01:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CyanideBreathMint

You take a shit in the shower then wash your pooter with your hands in the shower? Wow.

My ass gets washed in the shower but it's been wiped previously before getting in.

Anywho, what the heck are you typing on? A CrackBerry or iPhone? I'd go with the underpants route myself. Toilet seat covers are simply too thin and you risk digitally raping yourself if you wipe too hard. That doesn't sound like a fun end to my day.

The thought of anyone wiping their ass with an iPhone makes me a sad panda... A sad one indeed.

I had a similar train of thought when someone suggested the toilet seat covers, but then again, maybe that's their thing.

I will say though, if I were to be in this predicament, I wouldn't come here with the problem. Even though, it's certainly a story to tell the kids, or at least your mates.

BarbaricGoose · 12-11-2009, 01:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shinobi273

I know right! It's like he doesn't wash his ass in the shower.

Can't... Stop.... Laughing..

Oh... Anyway, I'd opt for the underwear option. Commando ain't that bad. Certainly better than wiping with your hand. I know your pain, man. I've been there. Ever since, I've always checked to see if there's TP beforehand. Habit now... For better or worse.

IncensedCape · 12-11-2009, 01:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by McKaystyles

We have toilet seat covers, I don’t know what good that will do me… of you mean like sanitary ones… oh no we don’t. Im trying to call everyone I know to see if they’ll bring me some wipes because it was extra wet just now and its not exactly a quick fix anymore. I need quality AAA toilet paper now. Im thinking I might go into the office and wonder around the cubicles pants down for some toilet paper… wish me luck.

I'm literally lol'ing at the minute. This has got to be the funniest thread I've ever read

antnie · 12-11-2009, 01:44 AM

Haha. I am so sorry. Use the underwear or the sock. What about checking a different stall?

Pootcrum · 12-11-2009, 01:53 AM

Best thread ever.

Definitely the undies option. Ditch them in the bin with a note for the janitor to keep your poop paper stocked.

Shinobi273 · 12-11-2009, 02:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CyanideBreathMint

You take a shit in the shower then wash your pooter with your hands in the shower? Wow.

My ass gets washed in the shower but it's been wiped previously before getting in.

Anywho, what the heck are you typing on? A CrackBerry or iPhone? I'd go with the underpants route myself. Toilet seat covers are simply too thin and you risk digitally raping yourself if you wipe too hard. That doesn't sound like a fun end to my day.

How much shit is left on your ass after? The whole concept of 'wiping something off with paper and now it's clean' is absurd. If there was a turd on an impervious surface and I took TP and wiped it off would you touch it if you were guranteed to be able to wash your hands with soap and water immidiately after?

The only proper way to clean your ass is to use a bidet, not toilet paper.

Most of you are so afraid of getting your hands dirty that you would rather soil your clothes!

Indyy xXx · 12-11-2009, 02:36 AM

ahhh man dude i feel sorry for you XD when i saw this thread i was like ROFL! XD if i were you i would use your pants lol and you should really check next time you need to do a crap if theres any toilet roll about or just keep a roll in your bag and take it to work with you just incase! XD

Bullet2theface · 12-11-2009, 02:51 AM

sucks to be you.

INFERNOII · 12-11-2009, 03:01 AM

Underwear.. Throw them out to please. :P

CyanideBreathMint · 12-11-2009, 04:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shinobi273

How much shit is left on your ass after? The whole concept of 'wiping something off with paper and now it's clean' is absurd. If there was a turd on an impervious surface and I took TP and wiped it off would you touch it if you were guranteed to be able to wash your hands with soap and water immidiately after?

The only proper way to clean your ass is to use a bidet, not toilet paper.

Most of you are so afraid of getting your hands dirty that you would rather soil your clothes!

To break it down:

Not enough for me to be concerned enough to hop into a shower. I've known how to wipe my ass since the age of 2 and probably properly a year later.
If you wiped a turd off an impervious surface or otherwise, no, I would not touch it regardless of any promises. What an odd question.
Bidet's are virtually non-existent in North America so that option isn't a valid one for our toilet paper challenged colleague.
Not afraid at all about getting dirty, I just prefer options other than lathering my hands in my own crap.

You're cool with your route, I'm cool with mine. We shall leave it at that. If I was in the OP's situation, I'd do what I and several others have suggested.

12-10-2009, 09:11 PM	#1
McKaystyles Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Chicago, Il Posts: 769 View My x360a Profile	Help im stuck on the toilet and I don’t know what to do! So my office basically left early to beat a blizzard and my dumbasss was like “ I live close, its cool guys, ill lock up!” and so I went to go take a dump just now and realized there is no toilet paper out here and sense the janitor does not get here till6 to clean up and the boss has the keys there is no way I can open up the janitor closet to get some toilet paper… im still dropping bombs so , as a pre emptive move, I need your opinion. Should I use my underwear to wipe and walk home commando in a blizzard, wipe with my hands and wash them real good ( not a fan of that idea) or walk out of the bathroom into the office area and look for paper towels or something with my pants down? Im on my blackberry and I only have a few bombs left before decision time! __________________ www.myspace.com/mckayster

12-10-2009, 09:14 PM	#3
luckyluke02 Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: England West Yorkshire Posts: 385 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	unlucky do what feels right but i would probably check next time befor you start but maybe underware and leave them for cleaner __________________

12-10-2009, 09:14 PM	#4
jamieCR7 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Belfast, NI Posts: 1,491 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 3 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	You knew it was coming, right? __________________ Need help with a few achievements: Play a Pro Clubs match as a team of 10 or more (GT: o Jamie z)

12-10-2009, 09:15 PM	#5
Wii187 Join Date: May 2008 Location: Molokini, HI Posts: 1,616 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 6 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	What, no toilet seat covers where you work? __________________

12-10-2009, 09:21 PM	#6
McKaystyles Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Chicago, Il Posts: 769 View My x360a Profile	We have toilet seat covers, I don’t know what good that will do me… of you mean like sanitary ones… oh no we don’t. Im trying to call everyone I know to see if they’ll bring me some wipes because it was extra wet just now and its not exactly a quick fix anymore. I need quality AAA toilet paper now. Im thinking I might go into the office and wonder around the cubicles pants down for some toilet paper… wish me luck. __________________ www.myspace.com/mckayster

12-10-2009, 09:13 PM	#2
Toryas Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 42 View My x360a Profile	Gotta go with the underpants option dude. Tough luck :/ You could always just run outside and wipe your ass in the snow, bit cold but it'd do the job.

12-10-2009, 09:25 PM	#7
luckyluke02 Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: England West Yorkshire Posts: 385 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	good luck have fun hope it all goes well __________________

12-10-2009, 09:35 PM	#9
Br0kenAssass1n Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: England Posts: 951 View My x360a Profile	x360a's seen it all now. Definitely the underwear option, if you choose the hands, you'll never feel clean again. __________________ Lifetime fan of Sarcasm Trolling is an artform.

12-10-2009, 09:49 PM	#10
Daiphyer. Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Markin' in Malaysia Posts: 2,289 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	I don't get this. Why can't you wash yourself? Is there no water there? __________________ Follow me on Twitter for Experienced Boning

12-10-2009, 09:53 PM	#11
XxBlueSpade2xX Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Hope, SD Posts: 3,389 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 4 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	Use your sock and get the F back home. I'm seriously LOL'ing at this right now. __________________

12-10-2009, 09:54 PM	#12
Massa Siggy Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Greenwood, South Carolina Posts: 1,077 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	I feel your pain, but must admit it amuses me that you would come here of all places for advice. haha. I'd say go commando, you can wash and wash but your hand would NEVER feel clean again. __________________ 100%: Assassin's Creed 2, Bayonetta, BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger, Dash of Destruction, Fallout 3, Just Cause, MagnaCarta 2, Minecraft, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

12-10-2009, 09:58 PM	#14
ferrari360max Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Eating tea and crumpets with the queen because thats what i do DEAL WITH IT. Posts: 1,079 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 4 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	Underwear then walk home commando. __________________

12-10-2009, 10:05 PM	#15
jimi_stephen Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Berryville, AR Posts: 960 View My x360a Profile	I'd go with the sock also. Never go walking around the office with your pants down, you never know who's still there and what the cameras are looking as __________________ Winning a fight on the internet is like being the smartest kid on the short bus, you're still retarded.

12-10-2009, 10:11 PM	#16
DAck1244 Banned User Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: England Posts: 255 View My x360a Profile	Wipe with your boss' paperwork.

12-10-2009, 10:36 PM	#17
Keano Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: The sinking ship that's full of shit and someone's nicked the oars Posts: 1,493 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 9 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	Simple, wash your ass in the sink __________________ Thanks to Cacky for the sig!

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12-11-2009, 12:19 AM	#19
WildManWiles01 Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Alaska Posts: 363 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	That is too funny, but very unlucky.... Whenever you are in a situation like this, you have to think to yourself... "what would McGyver do...?" But seriously... Just use the sink and your hand, or use the seat covers to get most of it then wash up? or try to get most of it, then put the pants on and go scouting for someones office (they are bound to have Tissue paper).... I don't think I would use any clothing, unless I planned to throw it away. If anything, I'd just throw on my pants and go looking for tissue paper more then anything. Doubtful you'll get anything on your pants while standing, but I wouldn't go sitdown. __________________

12-11-2009, 01:44 AM	#24
antnie Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: California Posts: 4,511 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 5 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	Haha. I am so sorry. Use the underwear or the sock. What about checking a different stall? __________________ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yem4dxtqIXk Click the link above ^ to watch the video of my Xbox 360 Game Collection! http://www.youtube.com/user/GnashTime http://www.youtube.com/user/GnashTech http://www.youtube.com/user/antnie0425

12-11-2009, 01:53 AM	#25
Pootcrum Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: That place you never check... Posts: 1,970 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	Best thread ever. Definitely the undies option. Ditch them in the bin with a note for the janitor to keep your poop paper stocked. __________________ The pain, the torment and torture, profanity, nausea, suffering, perversion, calamity. You can't get away.

12-11-2009, 02:36 AM	#27
Indyy xXx Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: West Bromwich Posts: 378 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	ahhh man dude i feel sorry for you XD when i saw this thread i was like ROFL! XD if i were you i would use your pants lol and you should really check next time you need to do a crap if theres any toilet roll about or just keep a roll in your bag and take it to work with you just incase! XD __________________ Thanks To jtr1gg3r For An Awesome Sig!!!

12-11-2009, 02:51 AM	#28
Bullet2theface Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 1,527 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1 (more» ...) View My x360a Profile	sucks to be you. __________________ ll Halo 3 semi PRO ll

12-11-2009, 03:01 AM	#29
INFERNOII Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Toronto, Ontario Posts: 599 View My x360a Profile	Underwear.. Throw them out to please. :P __________________

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