GamerScore League Wars - Sith Open Letter

[Wreckon Dracgon]

Attached for your enjoyment is a letter received a fortnight ago.
Please take it for the humor it is meant to be.
__________________________________________________ _____________
Knights Of The Old Republic Ltd
(Trading as KOTOR Ltd.)
GamerscoreTowers
Korriban
S1TH L0RD5
(800) 3825-968

Dear “Sith Generals, Lords, & Knights”,

For the past eleven weeks our corporation have been seeking to triumph in an event which the Rebels call Gamer Score League Season 3.

After much metachlorient research and a vast sensing of the Dark Side from within your soul, you were chosen by The Master to become one of our Minions-At-Arms during this conflict.

Thus far, our war against the Rebels has gone well. We hold a lead of approximately 14k GS over our nearest rivals from planet CockMunch, the cocky, arrogant, transvestite sub-species that inhabit CockMunch are the offspring of the forbidden love between Jar Jar and Chewie. Soon however, the construction of our Death Star 3 will see CockMunch (in the words of our Emperor) “wiped out” sometime in the next fortnight.

With victory in our sights, for it was our destiny, your Imperious Leaders have begun a period of reflection – to look for weakness within our ranks. The report presented to the High Council was damning and conclusive. This may affect you in some way, and as such take this letter as your evidence of such findings. We may send an Agent of the Sith to you with a copy of this report; however, you may not be around long enough to finish reading it.

[Wreckon Dracgon]

*** CONFIDENTIAL SITH COMMAND EYES ONLY ***

Sith Lord Report
Gamer Score League Season 3
Commissioned By: High Council, Korriban
Purpose: Eliminate Weakness

Command
Leader: Wreckon Dracgon
Again WD has proven himself to be a worthy leader of the Battalion in this period of conflict. The greatest GSL leader of our time is consumed by the Dark Side and with a soul as black as the deepest chasm; WD has fuelled the drive of the unit by transporting games at light-speed across the galaxy contributing in both terms of advice and in material form. From his highly detailed plans, flawless execution of his team goals, and overall unrivalled leadership we hail the Almighty Wreckon. His recently displayed exemplary execution and hatred of the Mexican species in the GRAW System pleased the mighty Sith Ancestors greatly and strengthened his ties to the Dark Side. The High Council regard him as the future Emperor of the Sith. Reward – to be afforded holiday in the land of Golems at the earliest convenience.

Apprentice: ILegendKillerI
We are finally beginning to reap the benefits of that which we have sewn. We tempted this Apprentice to the Dark Side during the Perpetual Wars of Season 2 where he slaughtered many a Jedi, while maintaining an eagerness to learn. Under the tutelage of his Leader, this Apprentice has flourished in the ways of the Dark Side proving adept at sculpting a plan to destroy the minds and souls of our adversaries. His plan to build a Death Star of titanic proportion that all would cower in fear worked flawlessly. Only the inhabitants of CockMunch dared venture outside to gaze upon Death Star 3. As preparation begins to fire and wipe out the last remaining opposition on CockMunch we grant this Apprentice the title of Sith Lord. Reward – to eradicate the rumbling of all roses throughout the galaxy on behalf of the Empire with the newly appointed title of Sith Lord.

Battalion
FugitiveToby31
This Padawan has proven himself to be invaluable since WD seduced him to the Dark Side from the Import Tuner System. He has allied himself closely with command and has proven to be a deadly assassin. Field reports from his leader state that the only thing standing in his way of being a Silent Sith Assassin is a tendency to shout “Boom, Headshot”, especially at the Mexican species. His taunts of “I can dance all day, you can’t hit me” during lightsaber duels showed a hatred and strength in the Dark Side not seen since Darth Pandora ventured forth to conquer Planet Leaderboardia. Reward – to be permitted to spend leisure time in the GRAW System with Darth Mitchell soonest. Preparing for his Apprenticeship under the Lords of the Sith.

BDG7884
Initially proving to be an asset to our cause, his longing to remain at balance with the force has increasingly shown itself to be a problem. Recent evidence includes living vicariously through an imperfect Gamer Score Account in order to retain his perfect balance. His willingness to abandon his Sith brethren in favour of extended leave periods may cause problems as the war reaches its climax. Recommendation – To be fed to the Sarlaac. Thousands of years of pain and suffering in the belly of this almighty beast should force him to choose which side of The Force he wishes to embrace.

Cordes
A Padawan of a different tongue, meaning that he has failed to communicate any semblance of hate or anger within the squad. Has aided the cause in other ways such as loaning his TIE Fighter to another battalion member to further the fight. Such efforts were initially undermined, however, by a longing to remain within the GoW System. Recommendation – Dispatch Darth Maul who also suffered from early communications issues, to help Padawan Cordes through this via mastery of the force. Cordes must then destroy all life within the GoW system. This should cleanse any desire to return to his GoW Homeworld in any future GSL Wars. Reward – Apprenticeship training at the Sith Proving Grounds of Dxun.

Sykosiknis
A cybernetic assassin afforded to us by the Jawas on Tatooine. Sykosiknis was deemed to be an ideal acquisition to our growing army having a high capacity for spliced midichlorians and low score levels he offered much promise. This promise, though initially exploited for the benefit of many points to the cause, has been subsequently squandered by offering himself to the Light Side of the Force. Rumour has it that his ties to the Jedi Sect OFC (Open, Frag, Clear) in the RB6V system and his light side dealings are strengthening by the day. Recommendation – dispatch General Grievous at the earliest opportunity to Sykosiknis last know coordinates. Also dispatch the Yuuzhan Vong to the RB6V system at once.

Xx Krueger 360
A young Padawan whom was seduced through his parents by the promise of Xbox riches – similar to our acquisition of Skywalker, A. Unfortunately this is where the comparison ends. A rebellious, disruptive force amongst the team wishing that everything be on his terms and at his say-so. Respect for the order of command should be instructed, however, the Leader feels that this is too late. A lost cause to the Empire. Recommendation – Dispatch Jeng Droga immediately. Let Jeng know that Palpatine’s soul has been located. It rests inside a jewel in Krueger’s lower intestine.

End Report
This report displays the findings of the High Council and its representatives and as such is set in stone. Any complaints will be dealt with in the same manner as Count Dooku and his request for a raise and additional health club membership – the result of which may still be seen in formaldehyde in the Chambers of the High Council.

May we also point out that The Empire will not be campaigning in the War of GSL S4 due to the re-commissioning of the Death Star after someone filled the last one up with diesel. You know who you are.

Signed,


Wreckon Dracgon
KOTOR Emperor Dracgon

ILegendKillerI
KOTOR Sith Lord

[Wreckon Dracgon]

All jokes aside thanks to everyone, especially you Flea for a wonderful GSL Season 3. It truly was a lot of fun.

[Flea]

Its not over yet theres 24 minutes left.
:p

[Webb]

No there isn't, its over :p

[Cyrex]

flea did you write that? If it wasn't you then who did because the view on the people change in and out from first person to 3rd person and then to narritive

[graemelunn]

and that matters because.......?
I just thought it was funny :p

[invincible rob]

They cheated!!!!!!!!
Wreckgon used his evil sith powers to give me the three red lights.:p

I know this because the lights are as red as that guy is star wars' lighty thing. :p

[Flea]

flea did you write that? If it wasn't you then who did because the view on the people change in and out from first person to 3rd person and then to narritive

Nope wasnt me otherwise id have said that their team was from planet cockmunch,
makes more sense than saying that about myself.

It was probably wreckon that wrote it,
he doesnt have much to do so has plenty of time to write cack like that.
:p

[Wreckon Dracgon]

Writing in the Narrative, 1st, & 3rd person form, surely one such as Wreckon would not do such a thing. Especially since he does not belong to the Sith High Council.

[Im a Manatee]

Wreckon, you tempted me to the darkside before, but you didn´t follow through. This hysterical letter has more than made up for it.

[Mr Arrow]

It seems we are near to a x360a Dream Team...how about we reach out and challenge other less worth species (the other site)??

What do you think about taking this gamerscore league across other sites?

[Krueger]

funny wreckon very funny

[Kaens]

Wreckon, this certainly makes the messages you sent me over Live make more sense ;) Personally I think you guys take the Star Wars stuff a little too far, but if that's your thing (which obviously it is) have fun with it!

[Webb]

Star Wars Suxzors!

[Im a Manatee]

Star Wars Suxzors!


It Roxxorz meh boxxorz bizatch!

[fugitivetoby31]

LMFAO,

Moi, first person Doug ? surely not. lol well ok I do get a little excited after I start blowing brains around hehe.

See ya'll on a GRAW map soon. And for your sakes, make it as an allie ;o)

[invincible rob]

Star Wars Suxzors!
:goodpost I agree with Webb on this one.

[codedigital]

Star Wars Suxzors!

I can't stand Star Wars.

[cylepher]

Hehehe, That was indeed hilarious. I was too late to join the GSL3, but hopefully I'll be able to join the next one. :D And no, Star Wars doesn't suck. :P

[Korix]

Star Wars suck? "lighty thing?" Who the fuck are these people? They should be fed, head-first, to a Krayt Dragon.

[invincible rob]

Star Wars suck? "lighty thing?" Who the fuck are these people? They should be fed, head-first, to a Krayt Dragon.
A what now :confused:
Leave us Star wars H4t0rZ alone :p

[graf1k]

YOU'Re ALL A BUNCH OF http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v463/skyypirate/nerds.gif

[Wreckon Dracgon]

Did you change your damn tag again :confused: or you just haven't updated your profile.

And for the record I prefer Sour Apple Laffy Taffy, Sour Apple Now & Laters, Sour Apple Jolly Ranchers, or for the wife to pick out all the Banana's in a box of Runts, the rest of them are worthless.

Ohh and Pineapple Now & Laters are So Gangsta (just like the color Pink... right Graf1k).

[Frakus]

God that was funny. Makes me want to join the darkside haha. I hope I get to play in the next GSl so I can be apart or go against the mighty KOTOR. If not I finally got Enchanted arms so I will have to take a crack at WD that way.

[graemelunn]

YOU'Re ALL A BUNCH OF http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v463/skyypirate/nerds.gif
OMG they still sell these..... I have to find some....NOW..... do they still sell Dweebs in the States too??

[Frakus]

Sorry legend they are no longer available

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dweebs_(candy)

[graf1k]

Did you change your damn tag again :confused: or you just haven't updated your profile.

And for the record I prefer Sour Apple Laffy Taffy, Sour Apple Now & Laters, Sour Apple Jolly Ranchers, or for the wife to pick out all the Banana's in a box of Runts, the rest of them are worthless.

Ohh and Pineapple Now & Laters are So Gangsta (just like the color Pink... right Graf1k).

1. I haven't updated my profile.
2. Sour Apple is the shiznit.
3. You're god-damned right!